Now that I’m in a better mind frame I don’t want to write this particular post. I’m afraid it will pull me under. I want to ignore the feelings, fears I just moved past. Not a healthy idea.
March used to be a good month. Dad, Mom, and brother’s birthdays; St. Patrick’s Day; March Break and some years, Easter. Then dad died in a March. I spent a March in hospital. Covid extended last March Break and delayed this year’s. Easter is at least in April, with the delayed break. Please just be a break and not another lockdown (as I’m typing this, my city is going into a modified lockdown and that’s a whole other conversation.
This March we’re also finalizing the daughter’s university applications.
I’m seeing and feeling the changes happening and I’m not ready. Look, my mom and brother are still healthy. They’re not going anywhere. I want my child to reach and live her future. I’m scared and curious what’s next for me.
But, I’m scared. I’m not ready. I’m not ready to stand separate.
I really dislike how March is slapping reminders of time’s passage.
Can we ever be ready? What’s there to be ready for? Life keeps happening whether we’re ready or not. Heck, it happened from the first word of this post to this word and each next.
The only method to being ready is to let go of that which you have no control over. Following and doing the best which you can. Realizing and appreciating that there is never any control to be had and now is the moment you’re living.
