My Pondering

February 27, 2024

Let’s call today a step backwards and wanting a fresh start. Multiple reasons, one being Monday night was a coughing night every hour. Two steps forward in getting better to three steps back. Redo, please.

February 20, 2024

Who knew that freezing one side of your mouth for teeth cleaning can be so draining? Yes, I’m a suck when it comes to the dentist, mostly the cleanings.

February 13, 2024

I need a do-over. Today’s been a day of nothing going as intended or planned. Heck, even my To Do List weekly set ups are skipping a week. It’s one of “those” days.

February 6, 2024

Supposedly a couple of North American rodents are telling us we’re in for an early spring. I like that idea, but given we haven’t had much winter weather in my area, well, I have a bit of a dread feeling we’re going to be hit in March with some nastiness. Believing and trusting are fine, but always stay open to changes.

January 30, 2024

Hi. Feels good to be on track. I tend to have a strong productive day followed by one of not so much; however, today is following yesterday’s accomplishments. The weather is just as overcast, but my productivity is wide open and that’s pushing my energy levels. Are you aware of your energy habits? Become so and you’ll be amazed at what you will do.

January 23, 2024

Feeling overwhelmed. I know this will pass and I know what I need to do to help the passing; however, the energy is challenging. Need to remember that one step starts the process. Any tips?

January 16, 2024

I read that animals hibernate due to lack of food supply, so sleeping, hunkering down, saves their reserves. I’m finally realizing I slow down in the cold, too. I barely want to do anything and it’s not because we’ve had little sunlight. What could I do to boost this energy?

January 9, 2024

I wanted to start my days earlier than I was in December, but I didn’t mean 4:30am. It was great to have my normal journal routine done earlier, but right now I’m fading and it’s not even noon. New habits, change in habits, take time to take hold and for us to adjust. Today’s a day of adjusting. I know I’ll appreciate this rough patch later in the month when it becomes routine.

January 2, 2024

I’m still hearing that lyric…it’s a new day; it’s a new dawn…but I’m not feeling blue. Maybe a bit of a shock and I’ve explained more of that in today’s blog post…yup, I’m on a rolling start which is where I want to be. Making some changes which feel right, small ones some might say, but for me they feel like a cumbersome sweater is being wiggled off and folded away. Maybe I’ll wear it again; maybe not.

December 26, 2023

Boxing Day in Canada. Not the holiday sales day after Christmas, although that has taken over, but traditional it was the day the household staff had off for their celebration of Christmas. The day the homeowners gave gift boxes to their staff. A day those who did everything to make the celebrations a success could relax. Go and relax today, the sales will still be there tomorrow. Unless of course, you find the bustle of others your relaxation, then go and enjoy.

December 19, 2023

The last minutes of holiday stresses can and are confusing…do we have everything we need; is the house cleaned to perfection, did we miss a dust bunny; we know we’ve forgotten something, but what? We’re determined to make this year…what? Perfect? Why can’t we make everyday joyful?

December 12, 2023

Necessity is the mother of invention, so the saying goes. We find what and how when in need. I’m adding adaptability.

If we can’t adapt to new knowledge, new inventions, new ways of thinking, even our changing needs, we may end up frustrated, angry, left behind lost and bewildered, stale, stagnant, hurt, and possibly dying.

We must recognize that we do not know everything. Our past ways may not have been the everlasting best  perhaps they were even harmful.

Yes, we can learn from someone different than us; someone we don’t understand. Necessity is the mother of it all and we are required to open our eyes and minds. 

December 5, 2023

It’s that season again…happy mixed with tears and sadness. As I write that, thinking I’m going somewhere else with thoughts, I realize my family is celebrating the 100th birthday of a family member and a friend of 2 decades might be welcoming a baby into their family this month. Life truly is a circle, isn’t it. Let’s see what other views December brings.

November 28, 2023

I’m negative! It’s over…sorta. Tiredness is still creeping up on me, imagine being too tired to shower…ick. Listen to your body.

November 21, 2023

Slowly getting better. Brain-fog is not as dense as it was, beginning to think straight. Covid is a reminder to take care of ourselves.

November 14, 2023

Covid is here. For me, it’s a wicked headcold, but hearing others, yeah, I’m worried.

November 7, 2023

I need to let go and take life’s risks. And for me, that’s my creativity.

October 31, 2023

Happy Halloween. I’m looking out the window to blue sky with streaks of white and it’s so bright you can feel the crispness in the air. One instant moment I would like to be able to recall in the dullness of future moments.

October 24, 2023

I know the Yoda meme, but the reality is…try, try again, and keep trying. There is always something new to try; some new way of doing when the first try doesn’t work. BTW, giving up doesn’t mean you failed.

October 17, 2023

Every birth is a chance at a new beginning, if we would only allow that being to be who they are to become.

October 10, 2023

We need Peace not prayers

October 3, 2023

Normally, I get a bit down starting in October, but I think this warm weather is teasing it out of me. I’m hoping it doesn’t hit harder later. But, the best piece of advice I was given…we can feel sad for ourselves, have that pity-party, we just don’t have to live there. So, have your moment, give yourself permission and then release it and live in life.

September 26, 2023

New life is new hope. Is that too much pressure on the next? Not if the old is willing to learn what the new brings to us. We want to continue not stagnant.

September 19, 2023

I’ve rewritten this three times, it all comes down to…is any part of life ever wasted on any age or being?

September 12, 2023

I’m 60 today! Not to be morbid or beat/repeat the health thing again, but I didn’t think about ever turning 60. I didn’t think I would see my daughter graduate high school let alone start her 3rd year of university. I can’t say much has changed in these last 5 years, pretty much today’s start is like yesterday’s and I expect the same for tomorrow, but I’m here. I’m alive and remember why I started this website. Life does become understanding, it may take time, but I’ve got time.

September 5, 2023

The first day of school always signals the new year for me more than January 1st. This month’s season change maybe the time of harvest, the ending of the growth process, but it’s felt the time of restart since kindergarten (and being able to voice my emotions about it). Life is change and growth and moving into the unknown.

August 1, 2023

A young actor died, possibly by an overdose. His mom found his lifeless body and called 911. The heartbreak, soul-breaking emotion is flooding me. Now is the time to concentrate on the universal empathy for her and his family, but not to take that pain as my own. I’m learning I have felt…done?…this throughout my life. May his family find the help they need in this moment and the time to come.

July 25, 2023

Family birthdays. One is a celebration of what was and the other is what they are and are becoming. Life’s like that…a constant change; a constant addition of memories. The present is in constant flux moving forward while remaining with the past, is that flux? Life is motion we cannot stop.

July 18, 2023

What are your dreams and are you actively moving towards them? With that in mind, don’t miss out on being open to those moments that take you in a different direction. No path is a direct passage take the chance to wander and expand your path.

July 11, 2023

Been having cravings. Cravings, more like urges, to play music. I want to pick up my guitar and strum something that sounds real. I don’t know how to play the guitar. My dad used to travel for work and one trip he brought me back a guitar. I loved it. Never took lessons, but would “play” at knowing how to play it. Don’t know why I gave it away…don’t know why I gave or tossed away so many childhood items that I wish I now had…had because of the memories attached. Time to starting playing, again.

July 4, 2023

Do we spend too much energy on what something should be, used to be, and end up bringing ourselves emotionally low, when we should spend our energy on acknowledging and appreciating in any manner available? Do we set ourselves up to fall? How often do we do this? Why? It is enough to know within and celebrate that moment and release the emotion surrounding it…gratitude, joy, even grief.

June 27, 2023

Silence can be scary, but it is vital in order to allow calm to enter our lives. One conscious breath in then out is one moment of silence. Take that moment.

June 20, 2023

Remember…our goofs, mistakes, fears are all learning steps.

June 13, 2023

Do you know your direction? As I was opening my browsers and setting up for the day, I realized that I’m on the track that fits me…this moment. I know it will take me somewhere and that’s the mystery I’m prepared for.

June 6, 2023

Happy June. Woke up this morning with a decision already made. Struck me as a bit strange that it was so cemented in its finality, but why should I be surprised? I was thinking about this on and off for a bit now. There are times our minds will decide for us and if we’re smart or mindful enough we’ll listen.

May 30, 2023

As my family doctor said…my weariness is most likely the drain of recent medical news, even with that being on the good news side. I’m in good hands with my medical team and have plenty of bloodwork and heart monitoring for the next couple of weeks. One moment at a time. Staying mindful and looking forward clearer.

May 23, 2023

Stroke Clinic today. WOW, talk about super nice staff, nurses, doctors. Talk about setting me up with full cardio work-up. We can’t determine if I did have a TIA/mini stroke, but my BP has gone over the healthy range, so meds it is. Feeling better, but worn out.

May 16, 2023

It’s okay to need silence. It’s okay to need alone time. It’s okay to shut the door. It’s okay.

May 9, 2023

Know your day’s best times. I’ve read that numerous times and it’s true. I was awake at 5am and should have stayed up instead of going back to bed to watch a video…I fell asleep until 7 and then till 9:47, way too late for me. I’m groggy and foggy and simply not functioning as well as I normally do when I’m active at my best times. So, while I’m awake, fed, and the sun is shining, I’m walking around with lead feet. It’s going to be a slow day. Know your best times.

May 2, 2023

Yesterday’s pondering was about my here and now, a good here and now. The changes others were going to hear. Today, I can’t help think about all those I met during my hospital stay…are they still alive. Are they healing? How are their families? My medical team, all the nurses, the people who kept my room clean, those who delivered my food that I couldn’t eat, the techs who ran all my tests, my PAs, my orderlies, my nutritionists, physical therapists, everyone I’m not naming…all part of my team that kept me alive. We never get here alone. And those gone, they didn’t go alone. Today…you may just be starting this journey – you’re not alone.

April 25, 2023

Don’t confuse whining for acknowledging you’re struggling in the moment. No one can be strong every minute of every day. In these moments you build back up and take those smaller steps forward, onward.

April 18, 2023

What’s your life plan? This popped into my head as I was looking over my daily to do list and after reading a meme about choosing Joy today. Reminds me of the other saying….the universe/god laughs as humans make plans. It’s true, we can plan all we like, but what control do we truly have? It’s not that scary, honest. We, for the most part, know what’s right and what’s not; we know what we want and what we need and their differences; now pocket all that and live.

April 11, 2023

I’m writing this a week late and after I wrote the one below, but immediately my mood shifts into excitement for tomorrow when I show up on time. Proof that we can change anything in an instant.

April 4, 2023

Marking this passage of time for when I didn’t show up. The guilt I feel right now for letting myself down.

March 28, 2023

I like to wake up early, but today wasn’t one of them. I couldn’t get the thought of aloneness out of my head. I don’t mind being alone, but aloneness has a whole other feel to it. Somewhere in my unremembered dreams something bothered me, my teeth and jaw feel as is I clenched them all night, even my legs feel like I ran a marathon while mountain climbing. Overtired or something being worked out subconsciously?

March 21, 2023

Spring is so close I can taste it, which is harder than being in the middle of winter with the promise of spring arrival

March 14, 2023

To forgive yourself of your weaknesses, failings, faults is to release yourself from them. So simple to write and so difficult to do. And so easy to use as an excuse.

March 7, 2023

Hello, March. I used to love March. My parents’ birthdays. My brother’s birthday. St. Patrick’s Day. Spring so close you can smell it. Now I struggle remembering those celebrations because it is also the month my dad died. Why is it so easy to forgot, miss the happies and too easy to feel the emptiness more? Dad would not want this. March 9th is his birthday and I’ll remember with smiles.

February 28, 2023

Goodbye February, it’s been interesting as always. More changes and more updating and some of the same. Woke up too late this morning from a dream that didn’t want to end and while I normally love those dreams, I really had more planned for the day. Struggling to regroup and restart. A dull weather day doesn’t help boost the energy. All we can do is our best and strive for at least one more than the day before.

February 21, 2023

Pancake Tuesday. Memory time….mom picking me up from school, walking in door to the scent of pancakes – my Nanny’s pancakes. Being at my grandparents, Nanny and Pa, for a sleepover and having pancake breakfasts…my Pa’s pancakes had to learn how to swim due to amount of syrup he drowned them in. Let alone making bran muffins with Nanny and Pa’s drowning his in butter. Hope you have memories that make you smile.

February 14, 2023

RuPaul has a saying I support…if you can’t love yourself; how…going to love somebody else. Loving oneself takes energy and belief. Believe in yourself. You deserve your energy and love. Happy Valentine’s Day…Be Yours

February 7, 2023

I used to hate February because I never had a Valentine until hubby, age 24. I’ve now had one for 35 years. Now I realize why Facebook brought up a memory of my grandfather, Pa, he died 41 years ago today. How did I not clue in, until, just now? Pa’s my guardian angel. Yes, I’ve experienced his presence over the last 41 years. I will always miss him.

January 31, 2023

The saying – when life gives you lemons make lemonade – and there’s others, which I’ve just drawn a blank on, are true. Do what you can, how you can, when you can, keep moving forward. Life does move forward. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. And they all sound so phoney when we’re in a down phase, but there’s truth in every cliche now matter how small. Believe. Believe in yourself.

January 24, 2023

Is your routine fitting you? Do you need to re-evaluate what you’re doing, how you’re doing, if you need to do it? Of course, we all need to check in on this, how else do we stay out of a rut. What worked last month, last year, always, may not work for us today. We could be finding ourselves already changing how and when we do something if we paid attention. Yesterday I realized the order I was starting didn’t make sense. Today I’m adjusting and already everything feels stronger. Check in…just because you always did it that way, that order, doesn’t mean you can’t change…shouldn’t at least look at the possibility of change.

January 17, 2023

Dull rainy Tuesday. I know I’m affected by lack of natural light, lack of light during the day hours although never formally diagnosed. I have battery candles set for the morning hours, but I recently bought a cheap “light” and it kinda works…at least for me…it has brighten me up enough to get started.

January 10, 2023

Dentalcare today. Still part of the journey back to normal full health from the cancer and chemo of 4 years ago. My experience has been I’m back from the cancer and chemo, but still working through a few aspects of it all I never thought of…hair is still strange, teeth health, and even working back on the body weight and stamina. I’m happy with the body aspects, but the hair/teeth…my weak spots. Sharing to build up my nerves for today and the reminder that I’m okay, it is just simply dentist nerves. Poor dental office…they’re great people, I’m just a nervous client 🙂

January 3, 2023

Time. Need quiet personal time to regroup, recharge, and to simply be alone. Holidays overcharge me…you?

December 27, 2022

Another Tuesday for 2022. Another twenty-four hours according to human timing. I’m deciding it’s another chance for anything, everything, and even nothing. Yeah, just a bit what will be; will be feeling. Sometimes we all need this.

December 20, 2022

The Tuesday before Christmas. Five days before Christmas. A joyous time. A family time. A celebration for many and I am in that many; however, I’m also remembering grief surrounding this time of year. Family members burying their own. My dad’s last Christmas. His mom dying on Christmas day when I was 9; in his arms. This year is no different as I watch friends lose their own this month, this week, this past year. Holidays add a depth to our grief that at times is harder than when it first shows up. Take care of you and yours. Treasure each moment and hold every memory close. Be well and may your spirit be held close as you hold those spirits around you close.

December 13, 2022

Still feeling sick and it’s running through the household again. Time to remember self-care.

December 6, 2022

I’ve never been diagnosed with SAD, but I recognize that comes October I start to feel closed in and emotionally down. December is a different month as it does make me sad when everyone else is feeling joyful. The end of anything hurts.

November 29, 2022

It’s okay to need order as long as you don’t allow your need to override your living

November 22, 2022

My energy is low and I don’t know if it’s due to lack of outside interactions or because I was outside interacting. Too much noise running around in my head even though the sun is bright and clear skies. I feel something missing inside that I need to find and fill.

November 15, 2022

It’s okay not to know. Give yourself permission to have a nothing day…visiting doesn’t mean you live there.

November 8, 2022

Recognize your stress.

November 1, 2022

New month; new start. Nano 2022 is here. Do I push myself to attempt the 1,667 words a day or not? It’s the perfect push to get out and meet up with people I haven’t seen or talked to in a Covid year or more. Can I handle the self-imposed pressure? Do I want this?

October 25, 2022

Still cancer clear! 4 years 4 months

October 18, 2022

It’s okay to take risks. Take a chance on yourself. On your lowest days this is vital.

October 11, 2022

I’m going to go back to one of my dad’s sayings…another of his sayings…and I’m sure it’s not an original one, but…Monday will always show up even on a Tuesday. And today sure feels like a Monday. Canada has just had it’s Thanksgiving long weekend and it was wonderful here. This morning, I can’t figure out what day it is, so I’m just going to enjoy the day. It’s surprisingly going to be warm today, sunny and warm, so windows open. Have a fun day…another dad’s saying 😉

October 4, 2022

My favourite month and not because it’s Fall, I love Halloween and the scary movies. Blame my cousin cause mom and dad sure didn’t introduce me to horror movies, not even the masters like Drac, Frankie, or the Wolfman. Then again, it could have been watching The Hilarious House of Frankenstein…nah, I’ll blame my cousin and the monster movie with the walking hand knocking at the door. OYYY…the show was produced in Hamilton at our local TV station! And, I’m just finding that out now. Oh, this explains so much

September 27, 2022

There will be days of high energy, don’t let that energy run you…you run with it. Energy can become chaos too easily

September 20, 2022

Struggling to get back on track along with family memories hitting hard

September 13, 2022

My birthday week and another family member’s birthday today.

September 6, 2022

OH WOW, I missed most of August? I’ve heard of the timeframe to create solid habits, but why is it so easy to toss them away when you actually enjoy them? We use the saying…I’ve got time tomorrow…way too often. Time does run away from you and you never know or are prepared for when it just stops. Find and do you joy NOW

August 9, 2022

No matter what, life will bring interruptions and interruptions will upset your plans, mood, and anything else possible. Today, I was interrupted during my meditation time and it was like someone had turned the water off with shampoo still in my hair. It was a cut to everything peaceful that had just been happening and now I had no way to pull it back…great dream, bang the cat jumps on you and you are so shocked awake you can’t remember the dream or get the feeling back. Yup, life happens and sometimes that “life” is us.

August 2, 2022

Beginning of August and the only reason it seems short is the scheduled in calendar…that and the memes telling me how few weekends there are till Christmas…oh, and the Halloween decorations that have popped up in stores. Really, can we stop rushing and just enjoy today. Enjoy your-today.

July 26, 2022

Growing up and into Motherhood and daughter’s school years, I disliked the last week of July. It was the anxiety countdown to the end of summer and the back to rigid scheduled school. I hadn’t learned the lesson to not worry about what hasn’t happened; don’t let that worry steal your now, your present. Daughter’s in university and I might just now getting the idea of this lesson to sink in.

July 19, 2022

There’s truth in…everything in its own time. The more I take the time to think on what I want to accomplish, on what I already know but haven’t played attention to, well, the more it finally clicks in…or that my mind clues in, finally. That little voice we all have is sometimes on our side more than we realize.

July 12, 2022

At times I am late, behind, but I refuse to give up or stop.

July 5, 2022

Morning, Have you ever woken up so early you wonder why you even went to bed? I’ve been awake since 3am, but finally started my day closer to 4:30am…there’s a nap calling me later today and I’ll answer that call.

June 28, 2022

Last Tuesday of the month and summer is officially here. Remember who you are and who you want to be and keep being you.

June 21, 2022

Some days will not start how you wish. The solution is don’t give up on them.

June 14, 2022

Sometimes I surprise myself, but then I wonder why it surprises me. I am everything I want in me and that includes my foibles.

June, 7, 2022

I dislike the words: habit and routine. They feel too blah and cumbersome. They feel like something I have to do, am required to do. I’m living. This is how my life moves through the day. It’s more than what I do, it’s who I am and want to be

May 31, 2022

There will be chapters of your life that will close without closure. These are times you need to release and move beyond.

May 24, 2022

I started this website and blog after leaving the hospital…which happened 4 years ago tomorrow. I wanted a way to remember what I learned while confined to a bed. Life is wonderful. It’s ours to live…which sounds obvious, but how many times do we forget this simple reality. Enjoy your day. Have fun. Remember who you want to be and be.

May 17, 2022

Today is one of those days that plays on my patience and ability to remain claim. It’s taking every little bit of energy not to give into my anger. Breathe and Release

May 10, 2022

Appearances. We set great safety in how we look. We don’t want anyone to look at us as different. Facial shingles have changed that for me and I’m actually okay. How do you stand out?

May 3, 2022

Considering I have backdated a few updates, blog entries, even this question…if you could go back and change something, anything, would you?

February 9, 2022

I am at my best when I take the time for my journal routine. I cannot afford to miss this time. It sets me up for a stronger day.

February 2, 2022

Hi. Thinking on a few website/social media things…comment sections and hashtags specifically. One of my new daily journal notebooks is about Connections, hence trying to figure out how to connect more with those who stop by and visit. Thinking maybe #lbu or #lifebecomesunderstanding (kinda long) or #MuseChrisChatLBU (long as well) #MCCLBU (this just looks strange – #MccLbu, still strange). Maybe I’m just overthinking, again.

January 18, 2002

I haven’t been giving my sites enough time, which means I haven’t made time for myself and what keeps me balanced. I’m now back to the learning curve of how my own site works, please be patient with me as I fumble some more.

I’m not sure what you will find here because I’m not sure what I’m looking to discovery myself. I am sure that the older I become the more I know, I don’t really know much more than I did last year or the year before; however, somehow I know more about everything than I did before.

Talk soon.

Chris